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Memorial Day 2011

One of the many great things about living in the DC area is that on very special holiday's like Memorial Day we are surrounded by many amazing Americans who patriotically celebrate this day off for the right reasons. I am so very proud when I see the gangs of Harley's making their way down to the city to pay their respect to all of our fallen heros. It gives me hope that there are still so many who remember and are grateful for those who have lost their lives on behalf of our freedom. Occasionally you see people that forget we are a country founded on freedom and take these privileges for granted. It is heartbreaking to watch ignorance take over. It would be so easy to say people don't care but I see so many who do care, and I choose to focus and praise them. I honk and wave at those Harley gangs, I give them a big thumbs up! They are spending time as a group of people doing something they love, riding their motorcycles, the ultimate feeling of freedom, but all the while remembering the soldier who allowed them to do so. I am proud to be an American, and proud of those who celebrate this holiday for the right reasons. So the next time someone says "Americans have no culture" say to them "No you are wrong, our culture is freedom" I get down on my knees today and pray for the millions who have lost their lives, I pray for their families and loved ones and I am full of gratitude for what they have given. So on this Memorial Day I shout out "you are not forgotten and many people celebrate you today and everyday, thank you for our freedom, thank God I can just be myself and make no apologies or God forbid be arrested because of my opinion" Thank you to the American Solder! Thank you, I am so very grateful.

It's been awhile now since my last entry. I can say that so much has changed over the course of a year. My kids are maturing and now sleeping through the night, everyone is out of diapers and makes it in the toilet most of the time. Things have changed recently and as my kids mature they also are showing signs of future behavior patterns. Lately, I have noticed how much living with three small children is similar to living in a frat house. The other day my four year old started drinking out of his shoe! Was this his way of preparing for his future in "Shoot the boot"? It was shocking and yet funny... I think frat boys are going for the same response. Then the same child proceeded to go in the house and use the bathroom only to come out completely naked, save his shoes. He was laughing hysterical and running around the front yard, I thought he might burst out yelling "Let's go Streaking"! Really could this be happening? Could my house be turing into a sort of Frat house for toddlers? They stay up all night and want to sleep on the couch during the day...I think I am on to something. My kids down right refuse to eat any green veggies so I have resorted to using the "Sneaky chef" recipes and pureeing them and adding to the purees various meals. Just today I was whipping up a batch of spinach brownies thinking isn't this a little like the brownies in college? Adding "green leafy" items to a baked good? Really this all seems like a terrifying look into the future...don't you think?

Framing a Masterpiece

I think I finally get the whole soccer Mom persona. When you are a Mom you have to redefine your entire life. Previous to children the rewards are all about you. You get paid for your job, you get a raise when you do good , you may even win employee of the month... ha. You go on vacations sit by the pool and bask in the sun while drinking a cocktails. You shop for clothes that you don't have to bend over in or worry about staining, you wear make up, do your hair and wear earrings that if you had a child would be ripped from ears. You work out whenever you please and so on. Naturally, or maybe not so, when you become a parent the entire focus shifts onto your children. There is no more "me time" or very little. Your "me time" is 5 minutes here while kids are eating , nap time (if they nap) or after they go to bed. Those precious few hours where you can surf the net, read, write, watch a grown up show or just sit in silence. Still you may not leave the house, so you find quick little ways to reward yourself, a bite of chocolate here, a cookie there a hand full of chips a glass of wine. All of which add up to an extra 15 pounds. That's a whole baby your carrying around. The extra 15 pounds completely changes your perspective. You feel just a bit dumpy so even if you had the time to shower, put on make or do your hair, you don't. Sweats and a T-shirt become your uniform because you can bend over in them without showing the world your crack and if your child gets sick on you ... oh well. I remember thinking to myself before children " I will never look like a dumpy Mom". I can still hear my annoying pre-child voice now. Here I am four years later looking dumpy as ever wanting to change but a small part of me thinking that would be selfish to actually want something for myself. I used to cling onto anything from my past that was "anti Mom" for example my car. I refused to get a mini van because I just could not even go there. Now I find myself wishing I had one because they are so practical.  Side note I am typing this one handed while my son naps on my chest. Anyway back to Soccer moms ..... What I'm trying to say is..... well I get it.... Mom's are just in search of a small reward. A little "employee of the month" in the form of chocolate, chips or a glass of wine. In the long run this is no reward at all but rather your mind telling you it's so. Yes, it is true, you are no longer the picture in your life but rather the frame..... but keep reminding yourself that the frame enhances the picture. No masterpiece has an ugly, ratty run down frame. A Masterpiece needs and thrives on having a beautiful well maintained frame. On that note the next time you go to pick up  the indulgence of day, don't beat yourself up for partaking in the prize but remember that the real reward is framing your masterpiece with true beauty from the inside out.

Finding your way when you get off track

My kids have been sick for what seems like 4 months now. I feel so bad for them I really do, but I need to feel bad for myself too, because I too have been sick for the past 4 months and I am also caring for three children all day and night. I have not slept in weeks and just feel lost. When I begin to spiral downward like this there is always one answer for me and that is to run. Despite the pouring down rain and my head cold, I strap on my running shoes and head out. Before I begin I repeat in my mind "show me the way." I head out and begin to breath, with every step I take I begin to feel better. I feel so good in fact that I continue on a route that I would not usually take and tell myself I will go for a long run today. The rain is starting to really come down and I am soaked from head to toe. I am uncomfortable but feeling strong, as I continue on I realize that I do not recognize the neighborhood I am in. I start to run down dead end after dead end and soon I am starting to panic. I know that eventually I will find the main road but I am not sure if I am physically up for a run of this distance. By this time 2 hours have gone by and I am worried. I have no phone with me to call the babysitter and they have to wonder where I am. I keep running and then I repeat to myself "show me the way." When I started out I was not thinking show me the way in reference to my route but rather in my life..... now I am chanting "show me the way" because I am really lost. As I repeated my mantra in my head what I began to see is that you must trust..... trust the Universe, trust yourself, trust your body and let go of fear.... release the voices in your head and just run. As soon as I did that 10 minutes later there was the main road I knew where I was, I still had another three mile run after that but I knew where I was going.   What I learned from this experience is when you feel lost in your life and things have taken you off track to find your way again you must do the following............

1. Trust yourself

2. Be grateful for your physical body, honor what it does for you

3. Release the fear in your mind, it is just that in your mind.

4. Acknowledge your fear and pain but don't dwell in it.

5. Remember that even if you are headed in the right direction you may still go down a dead-end, just go back and keep heading for the main road, you will get there eventually.

6. learn to enjoy the process or at least see the lessons life is presenting to you and be grateful for that.

I made it home and my kids and the babysitter did not even notice I was gone that long. Soaking wet and feeling like a new person, I hold my babies in my arms so grateful for the journey we are on together.

Why are people so rude? Is it just me or are there quite a few angry people out there? I was dropping my son off at school today and while waiting in the carpool line I was on the phone with my Mother wishing her a happy birthday. One of the teachers aides, in a very high pitched voice said"You may not talk on the phone in carpool line!" Now I realize that they deal with parents and kids all day long, but all she needed to do was to say in a nice tone, "May I remind you that there is no cell phones in carpool". Mind you this is someone who teaches my child, so if she is speaking to me this way how might she be speaking to the children? These unlovely people seem to overshadow the kind ones. Do they realize how offensive they are and how selfish it is to put that kind of energy out there. Everytime they are rude they think they are being strong and it gives them a temporary feeling of power. What they do is cause a chain reaction, when someone is rude to you it could cause potential retaliation or going on with your day in bad mood then you put that energy out in the world, and then the people you are rude to do the same to someone else and so on and so forth. Kindness works the same way, that is why there are so many shows, movies, books, etc. on random acts of kindness because the authors are aware of this chain reaction as well. Today, I chose to be sincerely kind to the person who was rude to me. I really felt like telling the b--ch off, but after I cooled off I thought about it and I thought maybe she was having a hard day, maybe she just found out that she is officially in full blown menopase and she will now become dried and shrivelled up (wow that felt good to write that) No really, I bought her a Starbucks card and handed it to her, appoligzed for being on my phone and told her that she seemed as though she were having a rough day that maybe this would help. She seemed shocked and tried to review once again the rules about cell phones, I just smiled and looked into her eyes with much love and compassion and drove off. I felt more powerful in that moment than being rude or complaining to school could have ever done. I learned how to feel true power today. I explained to my son what I did as well. He said he would give her a hug the next time he saw her. I really think that she may be nice from now on, or at least for a while, and when she does that she is going to cause a chain reaction of happiness. I feel powerful.

Yesterday we celebrated the twins birthday. They are one, I can not believe how fast the first year went by. I think partly because I was sleep walking through most of it. No one can ever explain how hard having a child will be to you before you have your own. When I found out I was pregnant with twins I was more afraid than I have ever been in my life. I thought, "how am I going to do this?" I could barely make it with one. Now your telling me I am going to have three. The first six months were insane. They should put every new parent through some sort of military training prior to conception. They would put a recording (that never stopped) of a crying baby on in the cell that they would place you in, deprive you from, sleep, food and water and do that for 6 months. If you made it past that then you can move on to the next phase of the training, "Negotiating with foreigners". This would involve sign language and charades, no one wins and no one understands each other and you do this for 2 years. If you pass then you are awarded with the greatest love you will ever know and you will come out of that training a better and more compassionate person. Your entire perspective on life will change for the better and you will learn how to redefine each moment with grace and ease.
Last night both twins were sick they screamed for a large portion of the night and I was unable to sooth and comfort both of them at the same time. It is heartbreaking to not have enough arms to hold your children when they need you. It becomes like a mini triage, you assess which case is the worst and start there. Often times juggling between both doing everything you can to ease their pain. My guess is that it is not easy being a twin in a situation like that. All I can hope for is that they become able to sooth themselves a little better in life than most. Until then imagine an exhausted lady running back and forth in the middle of the night trying to help everyone to get to sleep with little success. They finally wear themselves out.
I did it! I made it through the first year and everyone is still alive and seems quite happy most of the time! Now phase two "Negotiating with foreigners" X 2. The thought is overwhelming and yet I know that it too will go by fast, and when we get through it I will be a new and different person and be thanking my children for it.